Family Council Goals series: Communication
by Family Councils Ontario
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
- Stephen R. Covey
The Family Council manual, Your Guide to Starting and Maintaining a Family Council, outlines four basic goals for every Council: support, communication, education and advocacy. This blog post is the second one focusing on communication and what we have learned since the manual was written several years ago.
Communication is a goal that has many interpretations and perspectives according to the unique members and situations of Family Councils. However, we can say for certain that good communication is the basis for building strong relationships. In the midst of any conflict that may occur either within a Council or between the Council and a long-term care home staff or administration, good communication is most important.
Communicating is not just the act of speaking but it is also the act of listening. Sometimes in the heat of the moment of an argument we get so focused on our own perspective we forget to listen to someone who has a different opinion. Listening is an action that takes some thought and care but can go a long way in solving conflicts. When a person feels completely understood it is often enough to move the group along to decisions and any actions required.
For authentic communication to take place there are four steps to listening that are helpful:
- Be attentive. Sometimes in a Council a member will want to speak about something that they have raised before. Appreciate the need for a fellow caregiver to speak out about their challenge, idea, or criticism. Take a moment to listen carefully and not to dismiss their comments. Make eye contact let them know you are not just listening but hearing what they are saying.
- Resist the inclination to comment or talk when a person has a difference of opinion; allow the person to speak uninterrupted. For example, if the person is complaining during the peer support sharing time then the let the speaker have the floor uninterrupted. If it happens when discussing council projects and plans let the member finish their thought. If the speaker seems to be off topic gently help reframe the comments and get the conversation back on topic while respecting everyone’s contribution.
- Asking open ended questions can help both the speaker and the group clarify what is being said.
- Summarizing your understanding of what was said is a way to ensure that everyone understands what has been discussed.
These steps may seem rather simple but when there is conflict people often focus on what they are going to say next rather than simply listening to another’s point of view. Sometimes it is through listening carefully that a group finds everyone is “on the same side.” Everyone’s perspective, while different, brings valuable insight to the topic or issue at hand.
In a Family Council it is important that all members see themselves as responsible for the meeting and help each other with the skills of communicating. Each member can support the member who is chairing the meeting by asking questions of clarity and being a calming presence if a conflict escalates. It is the whole group who is responsible for the success of the meeting and with a team effort many conflicts can be resolved. Sometimes a resolution to conflict is a clearly communicated agreement to disagree on a particular matter.
Without clear and effective communication, our best efforts will likely go awry. Without active listening we may face misunderstandings that lead to conflict and get in the way of group success. It is everyone’s responsibility to communicate with clarity and empathy for their fellow Council member. And in every conversation or meeting, there is opportunities to engage in meaningful conversations and build relationships. These are the building blocks of an effective Family Council.
Many people avoid conflict and avoiding it can lead to members giving up or not wanting to come to meetings. Family Council Ontario has begun work to help members of Councils learn some basic skills that can be applied when a conflict arises through our conflict resolution training. Our fall schedule of workshops has not been finalized but we will be publish the dates once they have been confirmed.